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Consent to Virtual Erotic Events (for Red events)
Video Conferencing Instructions
Detailed Community Guidelines
Safety & Consent
Suggestions for Loving Relating
Inclusivity, Thinking Beyond the Box
* This event is for adults only, thanks
* This is a substance free event, please attend sober.
* All interactions with others are by mutual consent, based on respect and clear communication
* No viewable on screen sexual activity in the zoom calls, keep it private. No genitals showing on screen, but upper bodies will be OK on the Red Erotic events.
* No violent or oppressive language or loud public arguments or disturbances of any kind tolerated
* All ethnicities, sexual identities and spiritual orientations are welcome and respected.
Virtual Event Guidelines
(Adapted from Bonobo Tribe)
Join the video conference from a private, uninterrupted space, since other participants are consenting to be seen by people at this event – no one else.
We don’t mention anyone who was here or share their words or experiences
You’re welcome to talk about the event and share what you said or what the facilitator said
* No private recording or screen shots of any of the events, we will record them. This is important to protect each other’s privacy. We will not record any breakout room conversations.
If we find out someone has taken a screenshot or recording that would be grounds for suspension or removal from the festival.
*The Waiting Room is activated for every event and we only let people in who are in the group/RSVP’ed to attend.
*If I/we don’t recognize a name within the event, we ask the person to identify themselves.
*It is required that everyone have their video on, especially your face in view at the beginning of an event, so everyone is equally vulnerable and identifiable, before the recording starts. (This does not mean you have to be “on camera” or physically visible at all times.)
*If you’re in front of the camera you are consenting to be watched.
*If you want to protect your privacy even more, mute yourself and turn your picture away from yourself after the recording starts.
*You can also change your name after you log in, and tell us in advance so we know it is you (Use your Festival Name).
* Do not share the recordings publicly after the event. You may share them privately with one or two close friends. The recordings will be accessible for a month after the event.
*Our Zoom links are unique for every every event so people can’t pass on the same link from the previous event.
Request that we share with “I” Statements – speak from your experience and reveal yourself
If it is appropriate in a smaller event, invite everyone in the space to introduce themselves and their pronouns (be aware of time, if you have many people maybe just inviting them to share 3 words of check-in )
Please don’t cross-talk or interrupt; listen fully during others’ sharing
Only unmute yourself when requested to by the Presenter.
Listen to understand
Any event, whether in person or online, carries risk; emotional, physical, confidential. We attempt to minimize the risk, to be “safe enough”, so that we can find ways to participate. We attempt to have “risk aware” participation, balancing risk and our personal level of participation.
Zoom, like any technology is a potentially vulnerable platform and there are possibilities of exposure, but we are taking as many precautions as possible to make this a technologically safe and secure space to hold these events.
* Failure to comply with these guidelines could result in you being asked to leave without a refund.
(Adapted from Bonobo tribe agreements)
Foster Consent culture
We practice being responsible for requesting our own boundaries and asking for help in doing so. This includes physical, energetic (psychic space), verbal, and emotional boundaries and unintended projections on those around us.
We commit to being in the discomfort of learning our boundaries as we lean into new experiences.
Respect others’ edges and boundaries. Be excited about receiving a no.
We practice affirmative consent – a verbal yes means yes, silence is not necessarily a yes. We strive to cultivate more awareness of nonverbal cues and clarify those with verbal confirmations.
We strive to become aware of our own unspoken desires. What might we want that’s subconsciously driving our actions?
In our community, we sometimes choose to play in intimate space. There is no assumption you participate in anything you don’t want. And we are in the constant discovery of our boundaries as we lean into our edges and shadows.
We practice saying no, even after the fact.
We notice what power dynamics might be at play that could be affecting our ability to say no or others’ ability to exercise their power of consent.
If we feel safe and willing when our ‘no’ was not heard clearly, we communicate directly with the person we share conflict with. We remember that there are people in this community here to help and that we are not alone.
We talk with a member of the Organizer Team and/or the facilitator of the event about boundary and consent violations directly and as soon as possible.
In this community, we want to build a safe enough container to genuinely invite people of all expressions to consciously relate. We honor and welcome all gender identities and thus, pronouns. Pronouns are an individual’s expression of their own gender identification.
The most common one are she/her, he/him, they/them. They/them pronouns typically refer to someone’s identity as being non-binary or gender non-conforming, although it is different for each person. Other pronouns are entirely welcome.
As we strive to honor ourselves and one another, please be respectful and intentional when referring to other people. Remember to use their correct pronouns during our entire event (and beyond!). We also ask that you respect that people have triggers and potential wounds for not being acknowledged in how they want to be acknowledged. As such, please don’t joke as you introduce your pronouns. Not having to think about your gender pronouns is a privilege.
If you do not understand this gender and non-binary terminology, we invite you to be curious, engage in a welcoming conversation with those who feel resourced (like the facilitators), and don’t assume you know. You also are welcome to have your own discomforts if you don’t understand or agree. We welcome your discomfort and curiosity. We do not welcome creating an unsafe environment.
Safety & Consent
Oregon Tantra Festival creates environments that encourage people to come together, expand and grow, and experience bliss. Expansion and growth often require getting out of our comfort zones and take risks. We believe, if we are inviting our participants to take risks we must prioritize creating a safer space for everyone.
We do this through our three pillars of safer space: Presence, Choice, and Support.
Presence means that people are aware of their actions and the impact they have on others. This is why we encourage people to refrain from using any mind-altering substances.
We also encourage people to continuously reflect on their actions, thus creating more awareness and intentionality. When all people are really present, it allows people to explore their edge in a safe and constructive way.
Choice is the basis of consensual interactions. We believe that expanding your comfort zone and taking risks should be your choice and we provide reminders and education throughout our events.
Support happens in our small group Pod meetings, where you have a chance to share what is going on for you. You can also ask the Presenters or staff for a paid private session if you find deep issues arising for you.
SEE SOMETHING THAT NEEDS ATTENTION?
If you see or experience behavior that is inappropriate or out of line at our events, please tell the Staff. We like to catch consent breaks early and often so we can prevent further issues.
Suggestions for Loving Relating
These suggestions are written for in-person events, however, adapting to the current client of zoom-intimacy helps us to practice excellent love skills:
GET CURIOUS & CLEAR
Asking for a hug BEFORE hugging is awesome, even online. Saying “I like you and I’d like to get to know you” is hot.
Asking “What are you up for?” is even hotter.
Finding out what level of play the person is up for BEFORE engaging is awesome.
LISTEN FOR THE “OH YES”!
Yes means yes, everything else means no or time to clarify.
Not doing anything until you hear, see, and feel a “YES!” is how we do it.
THE ONLY CONSTANT IS CHANGE
Just because someone says yes once doesn’t mean they’ll say it again. Changing one’s mind in the middle is totally valid. Saying “Thank you for taking care of yourself” when they say “no” will blow them away.
Want to avoid regrets? Listen for the “no”, the “maybe”, the “I’m not sure inside yourself and with your partner. Some people have a hard time reading body language, use your words. If you want to stop, saying “stop” is often a good way… that’s a good time to stop and check-in.
OOOPS…I OVERSTEPPED A BOUNDARY
Sometimes it happens. Much of the time it’s by mistake. Whether it’s doing something to someone or having our boundaries crossed it never feels good. Following-up and clearing the air is the best.
THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS
Just because one thing can’t happen doesn’t mean something else is out. Hitting a bump is a call for creativity. “I’m not up for that, but I’d be into…” is skillful negotiating.
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY
Being truthful about your relationship status, your availability, and your sexual habits are the foundation of being a rockstar.
CHECK-IN AT THE END
Having a clear closing is key to keeping your loves feeling cared for and respected. Honor them to the end and thank them for sharing themselves with you.
Inclusivity, Thinking Beyond the Box
Oregon Tantra Festival culture welcomes many perspectives and views on gender, sexual orientation and sexual preferences, as well as relationship styles. We encourage you to become familiar with these topics to encourage sensitivity to those who are not choosing traditionally normative ways of expressing themselves, but are unfolding into creative self expression and self definitions.
Here are some resources we recommend you check out!
Breaking Through the Binary, by Sam Killermann, which includes a great graphic of The Genderbread Person-
“Gender is a tough subject to tackle. There are many facets to consider and many pressures at play, and we have all been conditioned in such a way that our first instinct is almost unanimously wrong. But we’re going to tackle it.”